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7.068 de octeți adăugați, 2 februarie 2007 03:13
Reverted to version by Todd Lyons. User has been stealthily blanking it one section at a time.
'''Oltenia''' was founded, as the legend says when the elders of all the romanian villages devised a plan to get rid of all the vilage idiots, thus increasing the nation's IQ tenfold. They loaded all the idiots in a large cart and gave them a fake "treasure map" which would hopefully lead them to [[Sahara]]. Unfortunately a wheel broke a few kilometers to the south of the Carpathians thus ending their trek. They called themselves the Olteni and the newly built [[Caracal]]. Later the newer city of [[Craiova]] was created and populated due to the newly discovered [[stupidity relativity]] theory which stipulates that a world with only one [[pole of stupid]] would implode. After saving the world by acting as a counterweight to [[Caracal]] , Craiova was named hero city for rebalancing the esoteric force known as [[stupid]] in the universe.
this stupids was propagate in every place of the world and they create this stupid website named uncyclopedia.
==Fauna and Flora==
The area is almost barren in life, due to the inhabitants tendency to eat anything that walks, hops, slithers or just contains [[carbon]]. The few notable animal species include the purple breasted [[chupacabra]], the forest [[biclops]] and the [[assgoblin]]
The only plant that grows in this region is called [[praz]], an odd combination between onions and kerosene which the Oltenians eat by the truckload with severe side-effects they choose to ignore.
== People ==
Oltenians are a proud and ancient race, descending from Burebista the Hairy's elves that escaped the Romans. Their intelligence is renowned, as all of them are natural born leaders. This innate ability to rule other people makes them leave their beloved land, as there is no one to lead there, since everyone is a boss. This characteristic also makes them easily recognizable, apart from the leak(praz) smell: if you shout "boss!" on the street, there are 99% chances that the ones who turn their heads are Oltenians. They usually have long necks, so they can see leadership opportunities better, even if the boss job is beyond the mountains.
Because they are very fast they talk using Present Perfect Tense which is as a label of them. in this way you can recognize them easy. If you hear them you better run else you will have them as leaders asap.
Since the competition for leadership is so fierce in Oltenia, the Oltenians usually build round houses, so the neighbors can't gossip around the corners.
Because of the huge usage of leak and Present Perfect Tense some historians have advanced the hypothesis of common roots with the Brits. However no evidences were found.
Due to the large percentage of [[argon]] in Praz, which cannot be assimilated by [[women]], thus being deposited in the cranium and [[gluteus maximus]], thus making the female population in Oltenia prone to having abnormally large heads and asses. This also causes their body temperature to raise a couple of degrees and that's why the rest of romania calls them "Oltence Fierbinti" (hot oltenian women).
The males can eliminate the argon in their urine, yet to be able to do so they suffer a mutation medical science knows as [[inverted penis]]
Oltenians are very superstitious people who are still afraid of the local monsters, especially the [[strigoi]]. Oltenia has a lot of old churches and monasteries, including the newly opened '''"Dintr-un Lemn de Bambus"''' Budhist [[shaolin]] kung-fu monastery, located deep in the mountains of northern Oltenia. Like all Romanians, the Oltenians main deity is [[the Necrowizard]]; other deities include Maggi - the heart goddess of free money, and Treilazecemii - the god of cheap socks.
The number of personalities in Oltenia is equal with <math>N+1</math>, where <math>N</math> is the total number of Oltenians in www <math>+1</math> because of Mircea Dinescu who is not an Oltenian but he bought a house in Oltenia and act as one.
''Mihai Viteazu (Michael The Brave)'' (aka Amza Pelea in 19eighties and Gigi Becali 20noughties). He was the first one who created a merger between all small Romanian farms in 1600. The merger disappeared in the .com crash only one year after.
''Tudor Vladimirescu'' famous guerrilla fighter in 1821. He did not listen his mother advice "Never befriend the Greeks". The Greeks sold him to the Turks and they killed him. He died famous in the arms of [[Che Guevara]]
''Petrache Poenaru'' - another famous Oltenian. Nobody knows exactly what his job is. He is one of the most hated men in the world. He invented the fountain pen. He was born in 1799 a litlle bit too late for the French Revolution. However he was Tudor Vladimirescu's secretary during 1821 insurgency and after they lost a fight he realized that he was not born for guerrilla. He decided to study the forgotten art of painting sad clowns and is generally regarded as the mastermind behind [[Ronald McDonald]]
Constantin Brancusi, Tudor Arghezi, Alexandru Macedonski, Jean Negulescu...
Having a real talent for leadership the main occupation is leading, whatever you can. Leading the State (Nicolae Ceausescu), leading the Government (Radu Vasile, Mugur Isarescu), leading ''you name it we find the person''. But there are too many of them so they sometimes find other things to do.
Computer Science industry had a boom in the region. Web Design and Network Security are best developed. However DHL, UPS and other major parcel carriers are complaining that the sites developed in the area are 100% like theirs the only difference being the IP. Few millions users of yahoo, hotmail and e-bay are complaining about their accounts being cracked.
In the last years the specialists in economy observed a high tendency in ''outsourcing''. Nowadays the Oltenians have broken the barriers of space and they do their occupations anywhere where people are stupid enough to believe them.
Also most of the Oltenians are away in the [[European Union]] either stealing cars or prostituting, depending on their gender.
Since an early age (7-8) children are send to school (parents had enough of them). Here they learn how to smoke, curse, play football, how to avoid work and other useful tricks for an easy life. The rest of them (1%) in between two pints of beer learn mathematics, physics or computer science.
Arts are very important in Oltenia. There everybody can sing. After few glasses of wine they remember the saint duty as members of Drunk Philharmonic of Oltenia and they start rehearsals or even concerts.
== Sport & Hobbies ==
The two main recreational activities are [[underwater basket weaving]] and the creation of their world renowned [[asshats]], an appreciated commodity which they export all around the world.
At any other, more earthly sports they pretty much suck and, to give them a more fair shot, their main soccer team "University of Craiova" (which is a joke as everyone knows there are no universities in Oltenia) was transferred to the girls soccer league.
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