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Oltenia

2.979 de octeți adăugați, 25 iulie 2006 20:54
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{| border=1 align=right cellpadding=4 cellspacing=0 width=300 style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 95%;"
|+<big><big>''' Oltenia '''</big></big>
|}
|-
| align="center" colspan="2" | <small>'' National motto: Toata lumea sa moara toti traiasca numai noi sa traiesc io''nu murim! (Everybody should live, only that we should not die!)</small>
|-
| ''' Official [[language]]'''
| A double-inverted version of Romanianwith gramatical rules involving a 20 sided dice
|-
| '''[[Capital]]'''
| Craiova,it moves to Caracal in months with 31 days except January
|-
| ''' Head of State '''
|-
| '''[[Currency]]'''
| Romanian Leu Praz roots
|-
| '''[[National anthem]]'''
| "M-a facut muica mama oltean"by Tudor Gheorghe, which roughly translates as "My mother made me an Oltean and she apologizes"
|}
<!-- ==History=='''Oltenia''' has was founded, as the largest drinking comunity legend says when the elders of all the romanian villages devised a plan to get rid of all the vilage idiots, thus increasing the nation's IQ tenfold. They loaded all the idiots in a large cart and gave them a fake "treasure map" which would hopefully lead them to [[Sahara]]. Unfortunately a wheel broke a few kilometers to the south of the Carpathians thus ending their trek. They called themselves the Olteni and the newly built [[EuropeCaracal]]. Later the newer city of [[Craiova]] was created and populated due to the newly discovered [[stupidity relativity]] theory which stipulates that a world with only one [[pole of stupid]] would implode. After saving the world by acting as a counterweight to [[Caracal]] , Craiova was named hero city for rebalancing the esoteric force known as [[stupid]] in the universe. ==Geography== ==Fauna and Flora==The area is almost barren in life, due to the inhabitants tendency to eat anything that walks, hops, slithers or just contains [[carbon]]. The few notable animal species include the purple breasted [[chupacabra]], the forest [[biclops]] and the [[assgoblin]] The only plant that grows in this region is called [[praz]], an odd combination between onions and kerosene which the Oltenians eat by the truckload with severe side-effects they choose to ignore. == People here don`t drink water== Oltenians are a proud and ancient race, descending from Burebista the Hairy's elves that escaped the Romans. they only drink wine (local variety zaibar)Their intelligence is renowned, blood (especialy those as all of tourists)them are natural born leaders. This innate ability to rule other people makes them leave their beloved land, as there is no one to lead there, since everyone is a boss. This characteristic also makes them easily recognizable, tuica apart from the leak(20-30 degrees plum brandypraz) <table><tr><td>smell: if you shout "boss!" on the street, there are 99% chances that the ones who turn their heads are Oltenians. They usually have long necks, so they can see leadership opportunities better, even if the boss job is beyond the mountains. Because they are very fast they talk using Present Perfect Tense which is as a label of them. in this way you can recognize them easy. If you hear them you better run else you will have them as leaders asap. __TOC__Since the competition for leadership is so fierce in Oltenia, the Oltenians usually build round houses, so the neighbors can't gossip around the corners.</td><td>{{Number Because of the huge usage of Bans|At least 32}}leak and Present Perfect Tense some historians have advanced the hypothesis of common roots with the Brits. However no evidences were found. </td></tr></table>Due to the large percentage of [[argon]] in Praz, which cannot be assimilated by [[women]], thus being deposited in the cranium and [[gluteus maximus]], thus making the female population in Oltenia prone to having abnormally large heads and asses. This also causes their body temperature to raise a couple of degrees and that's why the rest of romania calls them "Oltence Fierbinti" (hot oltenian women).
The males can eliminate the argon in their urine, yet to be able to do so they suffer a mutation medical science knows as [[inverted penis]]
==GeographyReligion==
Oltenians are very superstitious people who are still afraid of the local monsters, especially the [[strigoi]]. Oltenia has a lot of old churches and monasteries, including the newly opened '''"Dintr-un Lemn de Bambus"''' Budhist [[shaolin]] kung->fu monastery, located deep in the mountains of northern Oltenia. Like all Romanians, the Oltenians main deity is [[the Necrowizard]]; other deities include Maggi - the heart goddess of free money, and Treilazecemii - the god of cheap socks.
Oltenia is a picturesque land, lying around the rivers Olt and Jiu. Its Northern part is covered with hills and man-made lakes, while its Southern part is covered with vast plains. Although the historical province lies only between the rivers, those that live on the Eastern bank of Olt River are also called Oltenians and they are considered to be the pinnacle of Oltenian human evolution.==Personalities==
Its official capital The number of personalities in Oltenia is Craiovaequal with <math>N+1</math>, where <math>N</math> is the total number of Oltenians in www <math>+1</math> because of Mircea Dinescu who is not an Oltenian but lately the most famous city he bought a house in Oltenia is Caracaland act as one.
== People ==''Mihai Viteazu (Michael The Brave)'' (aka Amza Pelea in 19eighties and Gigi Becali 20noughties). He was the first one who created a merger between all small Romanian farms in 1600. The merger disappeared in the .com crash only one year after.
Oltenians are a proud and ancient race, descending from Burebista the Hairy's elves that escaped 'Tudor Vladimirescu'' famous guerrilla fighter in 1821. He did not listen his mother advice "Never befriend the RomansGreeks". Their intelligence is well known, The Greeks sold him to the Turks and all of them are natural born leadersthey killed him. This innate ability to rule other people makes them leave their beloved land, because there is no one to lead there, since everyone is a boss. This characteristic also makes them easily recognizable, apart from He died famous in the arms of [[prazChe Guevara]] smell: if you shout "boss!" on the street, there are 99% chances that the ones who turn their heads are Oltenians. They usually have long necks, so they can see leadership opportunities better, even if the boss job is beyond the mountains.
Since ''Petrache Poenaru'' - another famous Oltenian. Nobody knows exactly what his job is. He is one of the competition for leadership is so fierce most hated men in Oltenia, the Oltenians usually build round houses, so world. He invented the neighbours canfountain pen. He was born in 1799 a litlle bit too late for the French Revolution. However he was Tudor Vladimirescu't gossip around s secretary during 1821 insurgency and after they lost a fight he realized that he was not born for guerrilla. He decided to study the corners.forgotten art of painting sad clowns and is generally regarded as the mastermind behind [[Ronald McDonald]]
== History ==Ancient legends say that Moldavians once gathered all the brighter ones (who not only had 10 fingers but could count on them) and put them all in a carriageConstantin Brancusi, and sent them away from their countryTudor Arghezi, Alexandru Macedonski, Jean Negulescu.. The carriage travelled as far as Caracal, where it turned over due to bad driving skills of the leading Moldavian.
It is ==Occupation==Having a well known historical fact that Oltenia was never under foreign occuption real talent for more than a few yearsleadership the main occupation is leading, whatever you can. This was probably due to Leading the fact that all inhabitants were leadersState (Nicolae Ceausescu), so they couldn't accept someone else to be their boss. Alsoleading the Government (Radu Vasile, even when enslavedMugur Isarescu), Oltenians didnleading ''you name it we find the person't work, because '. But there are too many of them so they were leaders, which finally made the occupants leavesometimes find other things to do.
The greatest dictator of modern Romania, [[Ceausescu]]Computer Science industry had a boom in the region. Web Design and Network Security are best developed. However DHL, was born UPS and other major parcel carriers are complaining that the sites developed in Olteniathe area are 100% like theirs the only difference being the IP. Few millions users of yahoo, toohotmail and e-bay are complaining about their accounts being cracked.
The greatest leader born In the last years the specialists in Oltenia is Mihai Viteazueconomy observed a high tendency in ''outsourcing''. Nowadays the Oltenians have broken the barriers of space and they do their occupations anywhere where people are stupid enough to believe them.
The bigest market Also most of the Oltenians are away in Craiova is Bania. There you can buy quality clothes and other goods from the most important companies like: Niike, Abidas[[European Union]] either stealing cars or prostituting, PLIMA and Pamasonicdepending on their gender.
== Economy Education==The economy is largely based on wine and corn: the northern Oltenia's hills are covered with large vineyards, which yeld huge quantities of wine. Although 90% of the wine is meant for in-house usage, the remaining 10% is more than enough to propel the economy.
The southern Oltenia's plains Since an early age (7-8) children are covered with large plantations send to school (parents had enough of corn, cabbage and prazthem). Since these are not enough Here they learn how to make a living smoke, curse, unlike the wineplay football, Southern Oltenians were forced how to develop some industry: they make cars, train engines avoid work and tennis shoesother useful tricks for an easy life. There are also vineyards in southern Oltenia, but the entire wine production The rest of them (they only make one kind, called zaibăr1%) is used in-housebetween two pints of beer learn mathematics, physics or computer science.
Arts are very important in Oltenia's capital, Craiova, is also well known for . There everybody can sing. After few glasses of wine they remember the production and trade saint duty as members of football players. Oddly, although oltenians make excellent football players, they can't play together, because every single one Drunk Philharmonic of them is a team captain Oltenia and a coach at the same timethey start rehearsals or even concerts.Oltenia had the most tradition soccer team in Romania
==ReligionSport & Hobbies ==Oltenians The two main recreational activities are very superstitious people who are still afraid of the local monsters, especially the [[strigoiunderwater basket weaving]]. Oltenia has a a lot of old churches and monasteries, including the newely opened '''"Dintr-un Lemn de Bambus"''' budist shaolin kung-fu monasterycreation of their world renowned [[asshats]], located deep in an appreciated commodity which they export all around the mountains of northen Oltenia. People living in these parts are very fond of magic.The village Strehaia is well known for its gipsy witches who use mercury,herbs and bat wings for their potionsworld.
== Sport ==The greatest football At any other, more earthly sports they pretty much suck and, to give them a more fair shot, their main soccer team in the world is Universitatea "University of Craiova. The football team " (which is a joke as everyone knows there are no universities in Oltenia) was transferred to the second division, but the boss Adrian Mititelu said that Universitatea Craiova will win the Champions League in three years..girls soccer league.
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